BL Novels

“You’re no longer safe here,” Luca said before he left. “Pack up your things by the weekend. You’ll be staying with me from now on.”

Jaesung lacked the energy to fight him. Now, standing outside Vince’s shabby, neglected house, he questioned his sense of belonging. In his mind, those in the mafia had split into two: those within the walls with clean hands, and those like him, with hands stained the darkest of reds.

Though, he supposed everyone walked that line of no return, even if they never crossed it.

Taking a deep breath, he crossed the threshold and returned to familiar surroundings. The overpowering odor of spoiled food violated his senses. The living room, normally bustling with activity, was now deserted, blankets tossed carelessly over the couch pillows and Trace’s stuffed animals scattered around the cushions.

Little traces of familiarity spread throughout had Jaesung feeling a sense of calm as he stood in the middle of it, taking it in like this would be the last time.

The sensation of home overwhelmed him, and it took all his strength not to cry. Guys were told not to cry, yet he yearned to freely express his emotions. To immerse himself in his feelings for just a moment, as if it were enough for an entire lifetime.

Although he felt out of place in this haven, the idea of never returning terrified him even more.

From the entranceway, a torrent of voices flowed into the living room, intensifying as they drew nearer. Jokes and raucous laughter overwhelmed him like a freight train, unleashing a torrent of emotions all at once.

Tears were forming, and he couldn’t hold them back.

Men don’t cry. Men don’t cry. Men don’t cry.

“Oh my god, is that you Jaesung?” he heard Feng ask.

“Was his hair always this long?” Jett commented.

“Did he move my stuffed animals?” asked Trace.

“Would you fucking idiots shut up?” That was Vince.

Close to one hundred sixty pounds flung itself on his back, arms wrapping around him like a spider monkey. Then another, and another, and everyone was hugging him. The warmth, the closeness, the relief.

His breath caught in his throat, and all he could manage was a measly, “I’m back, guys.”

“We have to celebrate, right? I’ll go buy the beer!”

“Feng, wait, I’ll go with you. I need another pack of smokes.” Jett pat him on the head before dragging Feng away with him.

The weight lifted from him one by one, his worries and anxieties vanishing along with them.

“Pick up some pizza from that local place on your way back!” Vince yelled.

The Boss stayed quiet until the door shut and the voices faded.

“So, you’ve decided?”

Of course, he knew. The look in his eyes said he’d known for a while now. How stupid was he? If anyone had a clue, it would be Vince. He wasn’t the head of one of the minor families for nothing.

“I’ll be staying there for a while.” Jaesung didn’t want to elaborate and turned his head, itching the back of it nervously.

“There’s a rumor going around the Maniaco.”

His chest tightened. “You catch the attention of the dog, and his mutts are sure to take notice.”

“You’re still a part of this family.”

It was the most comforting words he could have heard from Vince’s mouth. “I know.” 

“Take care of yourself, Jaesung.” It was a warning. No one in the main house would have his back. He was truly alone this time.

The night was young, but in his head he had already jumped to tomorrow. To prepare. To control his emotions. 

Luca was an untamable, unreadable wild beast. All the preparation in the world wouldn’t save him from the inevitable, but maybe it would harden his heart. Steel his resolve. Remind him why he joined the mafia in the first place, of who he needed to take care of.

“Watch after my grandparents for me.”

Before everyone returned, Jaesung forced himself to smile and enjoy his last night of peace. He wasn’t dying, but he sure as hell felt like he was.

The watch on his wrist burned, a constant reminder of his mistakes.